Thursday, January 01, 2004
*sigh* Breathe in, breathe out....
Sooo 2003 is done and gone and hopefully I have seen the last of the rotten luck I seem to have... Yesterday the hospital let E out - he has an appt for Monday about 20 miles away on Monday.... SOOO I figured I would be nice and let him come get his stuff, let him stay for 4 days (I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW but I was trying to be nice and was trying to consider the boys missing Daddy) anyway.... as soon as he got home he started drinking... and then he started getting a little nasty with me and I asked him to pack his stuff and leave... He refused to leave - gave me all sorts of hassles... SOOOOOO I called the MP desk... told them he was refusing to leave and would they please come remove him... NO PROBLEM!! They were very helpful on the phone and when they first got here... of course he gave them a slight hard time and then MADE SURE they walked thru house back to his pigsty (bedroom/bath he basically lived in) and saw the week's worth of cans/bottles, trash, disgusting bathroom, etc... and of course the boys rooms are disasters - Deven totally destroyed his room this week and Dilen's room is piled w/clean laundry I am in the process of folding, sorting, etc... SOOOO anyway - one of the cops felt my house was "unlivable" so he called children's services.... CS came about 2 hrs later.... walked thru house, looked at everything (I had started cleaning the bedroom and removed the trash, cans/bottles), brought a base dectective that took pics of EVERYTHING -- I was soooo scared.... I am worried that any of this could affect my job or my ability to live on base.... CS basically said my house was "filthy" and disgusting and I needed to clean it up immediately... But they could see the kids were loved and well cared for so they weren't taking them away but they will be back on Friday to check on me and will be coming in weekly... Of course they say they are just doing this to help me not hurt me but I just don't trust them.... I will admit my house is not the cleanest/neatest but I sure didn't think it was filthy and unlivable... I was asked all sorts of questions - like how long has the hall been "tore up" to replace the flooring and how long has the painting been going on (remember I started but never finished and E tore up the hall long before I was ready to lay down a new floor - plus he started painting the bedroom and did a half ass job) asked me how I could leave the boys with E at night when I worked if he drank so much, asked about the long ago past when E split my head open (LONG LONG story there too), asked me about the boys and school and how many days have they missed this year, etc, told me I had to get rid of the dog (just another burden I don't need right now - well I knew that and had plans already to find her a new home but I didn't need to be told that - personally I think part of the problem is that she is part PITBULL) asked why I didn't ask for help from this one or that one for some house repairs (ummm I didn't know I could) and one even suggested I should get rid of our only real form of entertainment - the cable... I just felt sooooo scared, terrified and under a microscope.... SOOOO I have my list of things I HAVE to accomplish by Friday - 1st being the pigsty E created which I did last night (up til 3 scrubbing) and Deven's room and the fridge for starters... Mom will be here about noon-ish, she's coming to stay indefinately to help me out.... I am going for a restraining order tomorrow to keep E away and perhaps even get supervised visitation IF he wants to see the boys... I wrote the wife of the housing commander w/a brief summary and told her I need to talk to her DH ASAP about all this cause I am concerned about being able to continue living on the base... It's all been such an emotionally exhausting experience so far and I am far from being finished..... But as friends have pointed out they are gonna see the progress I have made, they are gonna see I have started to improve/fix my life by getting rid of E and they are gonna see that I want to do/be better and things will be fine.... I can only pray that this will all happen.... So please please pray for me - I am not a bad mother, a bad housekeeper, a poor judgement of character, a bad choice/decision maker but a good mother -- I love my boys more then anything in the world and I will do anything for them so please pray that things work out well for me and I have the strength to carry on.... Well it's off to begin the rest of the list... And here's to a MUCH MUCH better 2004!!!!! Til next time...
Sooo 2003 is done and gone and hopefully I have seen the last of the rotten luck I seem to have... Yesterday the hospital let E out - he has an appt for Monday about 20 miles away on Monday.... SOOO I figured I would be nice and let him come get his stuff, let him stay for 4 days (I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW but I was trying to be nice and was trying to consider the boys missing Daddy) anyway.... as soon as he got home he started drinking... and then he started getting a little nasty with me and I asked him to pack his stuff and leave... He refused to leave - gave me all sorts of hassles... SOOOOOO I called the MP desk... told them he was refusing to leave and would they please come remove him... NO PROBLEM!! They were very helpful on the phone and when they first got here... of course he gave them a slight hard time and then MADE SURE they walked thru house back to his pigsty (bedroom/bath he basically lived in) and saw the week's worth of cans/bottles, trash, disgusting bathroom, etc... and of course the boys rooms are disasters - Deven totally destroyed his room this week and Dilen's room is piled w/clean laundry I am in the process of folding, sorting, etc... SOOOO anyway - one of the cops felt my house was "unlivable" so he called children's services.... CS came about 2 hrs later.... walked thru house, looked at everything (I had started cleaning the bedroom and removed the trash, cans/bottles), brought a base dectective that took pics of EVERYTHING -- I was soooo scared.... I am worried that any of this could affect my job or my ability to live on base.... CS basically said my house was "filthy" and disgusting and I needed to clean it up immediately... But they could see the kids were loved and well cared for so they weren't taking them away but they will be back on Friday to check on me and will be coming in weekly... Of course they say they are just doing this to help me not hurt me but I just don't trust them.... I will admit my house is not the cleanest/neatest but I sure didn't think it was filthy and unlivable... I was asked all sorts of questions - like how long has the hall been "tore up" to replace the flooring and how long has the painting been going on (remember I started but never finished and E tore up the hall long before I was ready to lay down a new floor - plus he started painting the bedroom and did a half ass job) asked me how I could leave the boys with E at night when I worked if he drank so much, asked about the long ago past when E split my head open (LONG LONG story there too), asked me about the boys and school and how many days have they missed this year, etc, told me I had to get rid of the dog (just another burden I don't need right now - well I knew that and had plans already to find her a new home but I didn't need to be told that - personally I think part of the problem is that she is part PITBULL) asked why I didn't ask for help from this one or that one for some house repairs (ummm I didn't know I could) and one even suggested I should get rid of our only real form of entertainment - the cable... I just felt sooooo scared, terrified and under a microscope.... SOOOO I have my list of things I HAVE to accomplish by Friday - 1st being the pigsty E created which I did last night (up til 3 scrubbing) and Deven's room and the fridge for starters... Mom will be here about noon-ish, she's coming to stay indefinately to help me out.... I am going for a restraining order tomorrow to keep E away and perhaps even get supervised visitation IF he wants to see the boys... I wrote the wife of the housing commander w/a brief summary and told her I need to talk to her DH ASAP about all this cause I am concerned about being able to continue living on the base... It's all been such an emotionally exhausting experience so far and I am far from being finished..... But as friends have pointed out they are gonna see the progress I have made, they are gonna see I have started to improve/fix my life by getting rid of E and they are gonna see that I want to do/be better and things will be fine.... I can only pray that this will all happen.... So please please pray for me - I am not a bad mother, a bad housekeeper, a poor judgement of character, a bad choice/decision maker but a good mother -- I love my boys more then anything in the world and I will do anything for them so please pray that things work out well for me and I have the strength to carry on.... Well it's off to begin the rest of the list... And here's to a MUCH MUCH better 2004!!!!! Til next time...
